The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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