Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
