I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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