i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
