drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
