I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
