my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
