i just had sex bonerless
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
