all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
