Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
