I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
