Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
