i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
