Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
