did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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