he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
When are your genitals available?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
