dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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