TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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