So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
