OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
