Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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