i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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