Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
