I want to stick my p in your. b.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
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I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
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I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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