Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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