You don't have asthma, your pregnant
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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