i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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