I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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