He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i wish my penis had a tongue
my shit smells like andre
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
