Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
