How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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