as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
