I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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