you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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