I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
no you cant smoke seaweed
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
