i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you traded sex for a burrito?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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