if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
