i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
