I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
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I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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