There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So much rum. So many feels.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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