Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
