Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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