We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
