the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
