ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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