THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
