I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
