please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
