Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
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dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
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Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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