So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
