I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
