Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
