when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
