im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
