he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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