theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
