At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
