I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
