im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
