Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Quick, to the slutcave!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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