I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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