The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
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