I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
