this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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