I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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