This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
