I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.