I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.