Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.

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(515): View more from Iowa

brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people

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(712): View more from Iowa

it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe

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(208): View more from Idaho

this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(716): View more from New York

Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.

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(561): View more from Florida

The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.

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(518): View more from New York

It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.

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