I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.