I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?