i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!