Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
